Should I Waste Two Hours On This?: Dan In Real Life

Dan In Real Life (Walt Disney Studios, PG-13)

I had heard a lot about this movie around the time it came out and despite my instincts that it wouldn't be that great, I Redboxed it anyway. You know what? I was right and everybody else was wrong.

Dan (Steve Carell) and his three daughters have driven to Rhode Island for an extended family getaway with his parents and siblings one weekend. It doesn't take long for Dan to meet Marie (Juliette Binoche) in a local bookstore, have one of those deep, meaningful conversations with her and fall instantly in love. The problem? Dan soon finds out Marie is dating his brother, Mitch (Dane Cook).

I had so many issues with this film that it's hard to know where to start. First off, I don't like Marie. It's obvious from the get-go that Dan is interested in her romantically. And what does Marie do? She encourages him by not telling the poor slob that she's seeing someone until after they "connect".
I'm convinced that no decent person would do this, certainly not a character I'm supposed to feel for.

Another problem is that Marie is with Mitch, and I don't mean that this is a problem for Dan...It's a problem for me. There is honestly no way in hell a woman who seems as worldly and sophisticated as Marie would date douche-man Dane Cook. I was hoping the character of Mitch would be a college professor or scientist or globe-trotting journalist, but he's not. He's just an overgrown frat boy who works as a trainer in a gym.

Now I'm getting to the biggest issue I had with this film. NO FAMILY ACTS LIKE THIS ONE. I understand it's a weekend family reunion of sorts, but these fuckers do everything together. And when I say together, I mean, like, all 18 of them. Walking on the beach, eating every meal, exercising, bowling, having a family talent show complete with a stage and costumes, competing in some odd crossword puzzle challenge, on and on and freakin' on.

I'm pretty sure the writer of Dan In Real Life was an abused orphan who never actually had a real family and this is his ultimate fantasy of what family life must actually be like. This was such a glaring oddity from early in the film that I became more and more angry as the entire clan did stuff together. If I weren't currently well acquainted with a white family I would wonder if white folks really do act like this when they get together.

At one point, these supposedly super nice/family oriented people decide to set lonely Dan up on a date with a woman that he grew up with who still lives in town. Apparently, she had a pig face as a child. Do you know what these gracious, lovely people do? Begin making fun of her pig face (without her around, of course) to the extreme of creating a song about it. The scene went on forever, too. What the fuck, you guys? I'm supposed to like these assholes? Seriously?

While Dan In Real Life isn't horrible, it's not believable or good enough in other ways to make me not care that it's not believable.